Don’t Fight With Your Team!



“…talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.”

–from the Optimist Creed

Some say “Talk is cheap.”  Actually talk is very expensive.   Why?  Because of the damage it can render.  Our words can cut deep, especially to our close relationships.  When such talk is exchanged we end up in conflict.

When I was young I used to watch professional boxing with my dad.  I’m not really into that sport now (watching two people beat up each other doesn’t have the same appeal) but we each would pick one of the contestants to win.  In relationships we tend to take sides and if it involves conflict with me, I choose me to win!  When disagreements come, I look at the other person as the problem and focus on them.

Good conflict resolution helps us focus on ourselves first.  A question I like to ask couples in conflict is, “As we start, please tell me how YOU have added to this problem.”  Ouch!  That’s not fun!  After all, the other person is the problem.  But when I take a look at myself I begin to realize that I have had a part in this boxing match.  I’m not so innocent after all!

Rather than being at odds with the other person, try standing shoulder-to-shoulder, identify the problem out there, and work as a team.

When watching a ballgame, have you ever seen a team run out on the field and start a brawl with their own teammates?  Of course not, they go after the other team.  It’s hard to fight in a relationship when you are team members.

Perhaps it is time to “…talk health, happiness, and prosperity…” to our relationship team members rather than betting on who is going to win!

“Play ball!”

(c) 2013 Wally Johnston

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