As I write this we’ve witnessed the beginning of the “Me Too” movement. It’s where people, mostly women, are speaking up about being abused. That sure beats suffering in silence.
Many couples find themselves suffering in silence. One or both refuse to talk about any problems. I’ve worked with many couples during my career as a counselor. Sometimes I run into situations involving silence and/or refusal to examine the challenges in their relationship. It’s kind of like cancer…if you ignore it it will go away…right.
Some couples are caught up in what I call the relationship Pendulum. When a pendulum in straight down and still it is at rest it’s like things are going well. Often in couples relationships, one person speaks out that there is a problem and that they should seek help so the pendulum moves over to their direction. The other party either doesn’ want to see it or doesn’t want to do anything about it. “We can take care of it ourselves,” they reply but often never do. The “whistleblower” may try for an extended time to bring attention to the problem but to no avail. After a time, this person will emotionally give up and start trying and maybe ask for a divorce. The other partner is now suddenly interested in getting help (the pendulum now swings their way) but is often too late. Their partner has emotionally shut down.
If there is abuse in your relationship please seek help. Talk to a trusted friend. If there are other problems that affect the relationship, acknowledge the problem together and seek help. Remember this, if your spouse thinks there is a problem yet you don’t see it, then you do have a problem! Take action!
Perhaps couples who have seen a problem and worked on it as a team should start their own “Me Too” movement. What do you think?
(c) 2017 Wally Johnston